Contemplations on Suicide are Disturbing

The spattering of tears on the ground
breaks the deafening silence at the cost of my heart.

For I am alone.

The tears of blood trickles on as pain buries itself deeper,
and deeper.

The mouths of people open,
yet the only sound I hear
is the spattering of my blood.

I find myself swimming in a strange sea,
only to find the same fate as Jonah.
Spat by a whale into a desolate beach,
an island of gloom, and of death.

The only light I see is the ring of fire in the sky,
Yet I am surrounded in utter darkness.

The spattering grows louder,
faster.

My heart cries blood,
as the sands begin to run out.

The Grim sits by closely, smiling,
as I reach for a blade.
Death is but a loyal lover,
and as seconds pass I fear I would truly be with her.

I can hear the angels singing,
to my doom, my own demise.
As I run it across my wrists,
I feel empty, drained, and dead.

An Exercise in Stillness

I hear nothing
but a deafening silence.




I see people,
their mouths open
yet their words escape me.




Is it truly silence
or the turmoil
that my heart screams out?




I let go of fear,
only to fear.




I let go of guilt,
only to be guilty.




I sought silence,
only to hear.




I sought calmness,
yet I am disturbed.




Yet my heart is still,
for now I can hear,
the Voice
n the deepest recesses of my heart.

Torn

My friend and my princess,
I stand confused,
for she dumped him.

A disclaimer for most if not all the advices I will give

To all the people who ask for my opinion/advice as of Sunday, March 18, 2007:

1.  There is a reason why I ask if you're sure that you want my advice--e.g. you might not like what I am going to say

2.  If you don't like what I DID say, then why in the hell did you say you were sure? (see number one)

3.  I am the kind of person who, when asked, is frank to the point that I will tell it to your face even if you don't like it--e.g. you're being really selfish if you think you can go around hurting people just because you can't take your own share of pain.

4.  I am the kind of person who tries to say the most things in the least words possible-- so don't ask me expecting to get an answer like "ummm... it's like this... uh... you and him/her... uh.. [insert dragging and pointless essay about you being in denial]" instead I might answer "I think you're in denial."  Which leads me to number 5...

5.  When I say a one-liner and you're beginning to ask why I would say that then you're on the right track; but in a specific case where you might deny that you're in denial, guess what? You're in freaking denial!

6.  I try to say one-liners as much as possible basically because I want you to examine for yourself what the hell your problem is.  It won't help much if I just go around telling everybody else what the diddly poo is wrong with them.  Why?  First of all, that's called judging, and obviously I'm not a judge.  Second, the only way that you're not going to make the same mistake again is by discovering what it is that you're missing.

7.  I'm no all-seeing, all-knowing gypsy you can hire for 50 cents per minute, so don't expect me to have all the answers. (see number 6)  What little bit of information you give me is the only thing I can go on.

8.  If you didn't read through this all the way before asking for my advice, then why the heck are you pissed off because you couldn't take my advice?  That's why it's called a disclaimer.

Long time no see?

It's been a while since I've been actively posting.  I made two posts but I frankly felt like making five exhaustive ones.

If you haven't noticed I've been inserting some poetry here and there.

Tell me what you think about them, should I keep making them?  Or is it just me swimming in a strange sea?

See you on the flip side! :D

Be Careful in Praying

Yes, you've read correctly.  Be careful in praying.

As always, if you don't believe in prayer, you'd save both of us the trouble by not reading through.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

I believe that prayer is our direct line of communication to our God.

That is to say, basically what you pray is what you say to God.  That could be just a simple prayer in the middle of the night in your bedroom, or in your respective church, or maybe even a song.

Now where's the danger in that?

Let's take a look at the most common prayer among Christians: the Lord's Prayer.  Remember the part that says "forgive us as we forgive those who have sinned against us"?  Basically if you didn't forgive them, how can you expect to be forgiven?  Of course, I'm not challenging the mercy of the Almighty, but all I'm trying to point out is we should mean what we pray.

Now there's this song that we sing at my religious organization, it goes like "and I will go to the ends of the earth, to the ends of the earth"-- now that is deep, and maybe slightly ambitious.  I am hardly able to get up after a very long day with deadlines and etcetera-- so much for the ends of the earth.

So the next time we pray-- let's make sure we can live up to what we pray.

post # 50 :P

For My Princess

They say that the cherry blossom only blooms in spring,

I say it blooms eternal.

For whence I chance upon my fair maiden,

I see beauty which should only be seen once in a lifetime.

Yet her greatness simply cannot be seen at first glance,

It is a magnificent experience unlocked by great perception.

Though I find myself to be easily close to her,

I can easily discern that she is for someone else.

Perhaps it is only the monsters within that hold me back,

or simply my self-pity always leading to naught.

I know in time our ships will sail different directions,

until then I dedicate to you my thoughts and notions.