New Year's Resolution

The problem with new year's resolutions is that we make one that is considerably difficult to achieve and then go cold turkey.

So I'm going to set the bar low-- no complaining.

Recently
I've had an episode with pain; and here's what I learned-- pain means
you're alive, and the moment you stop feeling pain is when you're
either juiced up with anesthesia, high on drugs, drunk, or worse DEAD.

I got PWNED

Well, not exactly me; just my wisdom tooth. 

    So I have been contemplating the event way before last week, and I knew it was going to hurt, bad; but what really happened was not what I expected.  Tension and anxiety have been building to make a terrible combination as I asked around if it really does hurt.  Well, I got the answer, and it was not what I was looking for.  It would hurt real bad, and I would have to spend nights of hunger and pain; but really that's for another blog.

    There I was, sitting on the patient's chair all juiced up with anesthesia, the dentist was drilling away at the horizontally impacted tooth.  At the back of my mind it was like some sort of mission control from a very cheesy sci-fi flick. 

All systems normal-- no pain felt, yet. 

    So everything went without pain until the first attempt to remove my tooth.  The dentist tried to lift the tooth; but then lost grip on the tooth, then the worst happened-- the tooth turned over. 

Houston, we are experiencing some tremors but all systems are still go.

    Then I felt it-- pain.  Little did I know that I would be in for more pain since the tooth was rather thick and the dentist would have a hard time cutting through it.

Houston, there's been a hull breach and ---*static*

    Now the dentist had to work from scratch and start drilling the other side of my tooth.

    So after five painful failed attempts, a broken high-speed drill, 6 shots of anesthesia, some tears, and a whole lot of PAIN, I finally rejoiced with a very loud "amen". (!)

    Sometimes, when something clings to you, whether unwanted or not, it hurts when it is suddenly, forcibly removed.  That was just a tooth, what if it was something with much more sentimental value?

    Maybe it's just me but it did hurt a lot.  No offense meant to the dentist as she is very much qualified to do what she does, and I have faith in her skillz. :D

    One out, three to go. :(

Hi it's me, your resident complainant reporting.

I was wondering, is this true?

computer_games++ = IQ--

OK, for those who don't understand, it means for every time you play computer games your IQ goes down.

So, whaddya think?

Dude, I've become emo---ish. :P

Disclaimer: extremely emotional article.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

I know what you're thinking.  "You definitely don't look the part."

Well, I'm not in it for a fashion statement and I definitely don't plan to look the part.  I just feel like going emo, if there is such a term.

I've been feeling estranged and melancholic which ironically is targeted towards myself.  I've been a fool, a demented utter greedy impetuous fool.

I can't seem to shake the feeling that something is definitely missing, in my life, in my heart.

Loneliness, my ever unwanted companion, is a shadow vigilantly bent towards mocking me.

There are so many different parts I have to show to different people that it has come to a point that I've been tagged with so many typecasts with different circles of friends.

So many friends, yet so much loneliness.

I've a long week ahead.

Yup, it's exam week.  Which means I may not be able to post anything until Sunday.  Whether that should mean anything to you remains to be seen. :P

Today has been a day of discoveries.

I discovered that I may actually have what it takes to lead, although I'm totally against the idea of leading people.  Honestly, I think I suck at it; but it is service, and I am but a servant, and somebody has to do it.

I also discovered that I can actually draw a person's face.  I do hope I did not murder God's wondrous creation.  In fact, I'll have to show the drawing to the person drawn first and get her feedback before I show it to anybody else; but honestly, I think I did a better-than-most job, so I may have a little bit of confidence. :P

Anyways, I'm off to a temporary halt.

Reporting back in a week,
JaY

My Journey as A Prodigal Son

I've been recently addicted to computer games as in I HAVE A PROBLEM, and I have to admit having that kind of addiction is NOT a good thing.

So last week, for the first time in my entire life, I've ended up using more money than what I had intended and didn't have enough to pay the fare.  I realized that since the people around me had no plan of sparing a few coins since they're obviously going to use it for the same reason I had earlier.

I realized that there was only one way to go home-- walking.

You'd be surprised that the whole world slows down on you when you're walking.  I even think it's almost therapeutic, but maybe it's just me.

So here's what I found/realized:

- a very decent woodworking shop that I committed to memory in case I would need furniture in the maybe not so distant future
- poor people are still content; some rich people I've found aren't.
- this city is still safe since I got home safely.  That and that I've got a BIG Bodyguard backing me up. *chuckles*
- the non-urbanized part of the city is peaceful and quiet, maybe too quiet :P
- I would walk in a very lonely street and people would still spot me.  It's still a small world.

It's amazing what an hour and forty five minutes of walking can do.  I even got to exercise.

:D

Hi It's me -- I'm Being a Hypocrite

I know I'm being a hypocrite by going against what I have said in my previous article; but as what my friend has said, writing is a way of life, and as of right now, I only have around 4 minutes to make a new article.. give or take.

With that said, writing as a way of life can be very hard.  As many of you have probably read, I usually leave myself out of the articles.  After reading and rereading them I find myself confused.  Writing about my life is way more interesting than other whatnot I find to be interesting.  I have also found that there is no point in making pointless articles.  I've found many of these kinds of articles and have found them a little if not much, distasteful; but then again, it may be just me.

So I'm just going to end it at that because I've been freewriting.

GOODBYE

To be brutally frank, I'm tired of making blogs.  I'm not even sure if people ACTUALLY READ THEM; but if by some remote reason you're reading this, then so be it.  I won't be making posts for a very long time, if not ever.

But for the benefit of those who haven't read my blog, I will keep the posts instead of deleting them.

Much respect,

JaY

Stopping by Pillars on a Sunny Noon

It was a sunny Thursday, the sun
shone brightly as the students helplessly continued the day while dealing with
the tropical heat and the complaining stomachs asking for lunch.

I was walking with my friends to
buy lunch when the PA in campus rang the bells signaling it was time to pray
the Angelus. As usual, everybody in
campus just stopped, as if hell has just frozen over.

We got caught, said my friend in the
local dialect. We just stood there until
some time around the middle of the prayer, something caught my eye. It was a woman, probably a student, who
walked on past by all the statues as if frozen by some unseen force. It was either she had guts, or she was on a
hurry caused by grave reasons. Nonetheless, she continued to walk until she got through the exit,
attracting attention from all the students she passed by who could not help but
stare.

It is a free country. We can do what we want, as long as we don’t break
the law. Freedom to practice religion is
one of the very basic rights that most of the people around the world have.

But for those who do stop in their
tracks when the PA starts reciting the prayer, are you sure that you’re
stopping for the right reason? Are we
stopping for the right reasons? Do we
stop to pray, or just because everybody else is doing it?  Is this the culture or counterculture that we
need in the world today?

Hi, it’s me again, typing away at
this time God knows when. I have
drastically changed the way I make my entries, by working on it on Word first
before I post it on the web; that way, I get to save unfinished work instead of
just clicking the close button on the make post page.

Anyway, I
haven’t been posting lately; this is because I, frankly, did not feel like
it. I might discourse on my vacation in
manila, or my “First Day Lows”, or some other ideas I came up with.

Then again, this
is not an entry of information, but an entry of apologies. I apologize for making sloppy and somewhat
fallacious posts. I’ve been thinking
about re-editing a few of these posts although I can’t make any promises.

I would also
like to apologize for those who have suggested that I use my “talent” if I ever
have one in writing, because I have just lost that chance because of my missing
the deadline for applications at my school’s paper. Chances are that the next hiring would be
sometime around next year. The idea of
contributing to the school paper has crossed my mind but then again, what is my
writing to such sheer, sharpened, and polished talent of those who are already
on the school paper?

I can only
breathe a sigh of regret, although there may be so many other possibilities as
to which I can sharpen my writing, but first and foremost, I must read books,
and LOTS of them.

This is the part
where I run out of all my remaining brain juice, so wish me luck! I’ll definitely need it.

Commiserations and Requiescats

It's always hard to say goodbye to someone.  Recently I just received a text message that my very good friend's boyfriend just died.  I know, I know, at first glance such messages are totally unbelievable; but I made it a point not to bother her anymore than she already is by insisting on asking for more details.

The next thing I knew I was singing my heart out in my room clearly ignoring the fact that I have neighbors and that they may already be very well asleep.  It's hard to say goodbye.  I know that sounded corny, but sometimes those that sound the corniest may actually be the truest things in the world.

My cousin had experienced the same thing and I must say that must have been an awful experience.  To have a loved one for one minute and the next second, poof!  They become part of the glory of days past.

Life will always have the occasional storm, but even a storm has spiritual implications:
1. Everything can change overnight.
2. Only those who are deeply rooted will survive.

With that said, it's better to live everyday like it's your last.  Let us fix our broken relationships, conquer that obstacle, appreciate the blessings that we have been given, for we may never get another chance.

I can only offer my condolences to my friend, whom I can't be with because I'm leaving early in the morning for Manila.  I hope she will be able to read this.

On the Nature of Decisions

There are times when a decision must be made.  Some small, some relatively significant.

The question is should people stand by their decision?

Take for example marriage, rather divorce.  A popular nonsensical saying that originated in the US goes "half of all marriages end in divorce".  Of course, that isn't true; but why should couples go through divorce if they already have thought of the consequences of marriage?  Although there are extreme examples such as battery, insanity or even worse things that could happen, didn't they swear upon all the yadda yadda "'til death do us part"?

Or how about priests, those who have secret sons and daughters?  Didn't they have those three vows- chastity, poverty, and obedience?  They took these vows after some sort of discernment period(which can be a rather long time), and yet there was a previous news article that some priests moved to have the chastity part of their vows erased.

The question is should we stand by their decision?

Of course, there are times when we make mistakes. Does that also mean that we should stand by the decision to make that mistake?

Ultimately, there can be no absolute answer for such a question. It varies from case to case, depending upon the discretion of the people involved.  There will be times when we feel that to stand by our decisions is right, whether it was a mistake or not- because we can learn from our mistakes, and mistakes are a part of life.

I'm closing my eyes as I type this.  I just want to express what deep melancholy I have in my heart.  I know for as long as I can remember, I have put myself into the position where it's easy to ridicule me.

For those who understand, I'm so sick and tired of putting up masks.  I'm so sick and tired of studying people only to use their weaknesses against them.  I'm so sick and tired of overcalculating.

I'm sorry.

Today as I slowly reach the end of another phase, I am truly afraid of what I am now, and even more so for what I will become.  My lingering feeling of bitterness is consuming me as I know I will have to swallow a bitter pill.  This was my well needed shot in the arm.  I'm so screwed up that I even dug myself a hole I can't even dream to get out of.

Part of me is dying as I helplessly go on with this f@#*ing hole in my heart.

I'm running out of ideas as to how I will change myself because I'm looking at my situation and it is looking very, very bleak.  I am going out of control, and my coping resources are easily running out.

So, what exactly is my point?  I've got none.  I'm trying to express what I feel through my blog because it is one of the few things I know what and how to do.  Wisdom and logic are but estrange voices in the distance and I can no longer put into words as to what I feel.  By now, I would realize that expressing this through my blog is really not helping.  The logical thing to do will be to go to counseling, but I hate the "first impression" plasticity that I see with such people.

I've got some issues I need to resolve. *sigh*

Signing off for a very long time.

My Stages of Development as a Blogger

These are the stages of development in my blogging life.  :D

First stage:  I don't know what I'm doing as of now but I'm going to write about something anyway - articles.

It's kind of self-explanatory, I'm bored and I don't know what to do so I resort to freetyping, poetry, or some other pathetic whatnot.

Second stage:  I've got problems with how some people are because they're being outright stupid- articles

Somewhere along my blogging life, i came across a few people who have extreme personalities and sometimes come off as cross, rude, sometimes even, well, let's just say less than intelligent because of running their mouths without proper deliberation beforehand, or the acts they commit that BLATANTLY befouls this blogger's mood.

Third stage:  I've experienced some enlightenment with a recent experience and can't help but share it with the world- articles

This is the pinnacle of my blogging cycle as I put MUCH effort in setting the scene for the reader to help emulate my experience and put the reader in the blogger's shoes. It's this kind of article that usually strikes close to both the author and the readers' hearts.

Fourth stage: HIATUS

Def'n:
unexpected gap: a break in something where there should be continuity

This is the part when the creative block has run its course and has rendered me unable to write because of a little voice in the mind called the "inner critic".  This inner critic will obviously try to impede the blogger from making a decent article based on the fact that I can't think of anything as of yet.  This may range from as little as one hour to as long as the blogger can't do or choose not to do anything about either the inner critic or the creative block.

Again, this is all according to my experience.  Feel free to comment.

The Pencil Needs Sharpening

Okay, so my writing has become a little bit too sloppy.  Three weeks of being unable to practice in almost any way possible can do so much damage.  I'm sorry for any feelings that have been hurt by any of my posts; but I will not apologize for the content I have put up.

Why?  Because it's my blog and I write if I want to.  Of course I will accept any corrections.  Damn!

Basically, I've run out of topics to write about.  I'm pondering whether I should write about older experiences.  Anyway, I'm off to another hiatus (again) and make some well needed reflecting.

The Culture

I have been most alarmed by the increasing number of people who are absoulutely arrogant embodiments of moronism.  That's right MORONISM.  It's an actual word.  To make things easier for you, I've taken the liberty of "copy+pasting" the definition:

MORONISM n.
offensive term: a former term for somebody with significant learning
difficulties and impaired social skills, now considered offensive (dated
offensive)

Microsoft® Encarta® 2006. © 1993-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

I'm sorry if you're offended.  The very nature of the term is offensive in nature really.  But I'm not talking/writing/typing about you... hopefully.(minute chances of that happening given my reader base.)

I am thoroughly alarmed because people have had the gall to commit unprovoked acts of destruction, well, not really destruction but more of humiliation and deprecation that victims have begun to think that they brought this upon themselves. Remember people that the ones who have the last say are the ones who ACTUALLY MAKE THE CHOICE.

Yes, the problem is choice.  To be a moron or not to be a moron-- THAT IS THE QUESTION!  Of course, I'm not going to impose upon you a "false dilemma", do feel free to disprove me by inserting another option.

Many have already started living the culture of death-- no, I'm not talking about goths or death metal, these are merely expressions of feelings.  The culture of death I'm talking about, is helping people die rather than helping them live; and this isn't limited to the one-time-big-time acts.  This includes the little things, like backbiting, insulting, embarassing other people to name a few.

It's time to live the culture of life. Pay it forward.  Who knows?  You might just save somebody's life.

A Suicide Note? : (

As I slowly step into the fray making a foray, I fretfully fribble my energy in feeble frivol trying to hide myself behind an intricate mask, albeit a mirror mask.

Freedom is in great scarcity.

By feigning what I feel to be something what people want to see, I have found myself in a situation I can't get out of as of yet.  The decisions I have made have left me opposite to what is felicitous.  By making people see what they DESPERATELY want to see, I have lied to myself, and to others; and I am paying through my nose.

The truth?  I have fallen so far down I cannot see the end of the tunnel.

It's what should have set me free, my one true key to freedom.  Now I have buried myself in a well up to the neck instead of shaking the dirt off.  Inch by inch, I slowly put myself into the position of a felo-de-se, an act of suicide.

[Dude, that's some fancy emo $#^+.]

God help me. (pulls trigger)

Death by a sleeping pillow.

"I'm lost, my mind's gone..."  goes a line from an UrbanDub song.

No.  I haven't completely lost my mind.
I'm in shaking fear of losing my mind.
You see, I am not what anybody sees.
I am but a mirror to your own desires.

What you want to see is what you get,
like, the mirror in Harry Potter.
I forgot its name but you get the idea.
I, at a crossroads, am confused.

I've hurt someone terribly, hauntingly.
To die, to sleep no more,
is but an idea very close to me,
yet utterly refused for what I must do.

To be or not to be?
That is the question.

A Wanton Realization from a Seemingly Insignificant Event

It was a bright sunny morning.  The humming from the air conditioner was all that was heard as tensions rose,  the cold air was not helping,
until the teacher called out the next name.

One word-- EXTEMPORANEOUS SPEECH.

LOL

If you didn't notice the typographical error before, you may now laugh.

I was keeping myself as calm as humanly possible before a speech.  I was constantly making fun out of scratch, making random remarks about all things trivial, trying to get a giggle here and there.  As the names were called, and the tension slowly seeping away through my laughter and wanton ranting, there I was.

"Michael Jay Sasoy"

The one name I almost dreaded last Monday.  The teacher said, don't think of words; think of ideas.  Two minutes is all the time I've got.

Anxiously, I peered over the box with papers and found what seemed to be a flipped up piece that the topic was clearly in view.  I decided to take my chances on those faced down.

"cartoon-characters"

Thank God for television.

Instead of getting nervous, I found myself getting pumped up.  The last speaker before me was rung at with a bell and I knew it was my turn.

"Cartoon characters-- admit it.  We've all imagined what it would be like to live the life of a cartoon-character.  Falling anvil, a few seconds after we come out unscathed- without a single scratch.

And how many of you have heard of anime? (audience murmurs in agreement)

Wouldn't it be fantastic to ride a robot and wreak havoc upon the world?  If you blow up, you come out unharmed.  Wouldn't it be fun to do things without a single care in the world?

But friends, we live in a world of illusion.  Now is the time to wake up to reality and appreciate the things that matter most, our friends, our family, before all of that will be gone. (bell rings)
(Pausing, I was unable to think and make a final statement so I just said: ) Thank you."

Thank God for premeditated ideas from blogs I both wrote and read. 

The audience cheered, as if it was all some sort of show.  I could only wish that the message was clear and that they have received it.  Now it's up to them on what to do with that information.

Why True Love Waits

How do you know if a person is made for you and you made for him/her?

If you believe in soulmates, as I do, then the chances of finding that specific person is very, VERY SLIM.

Why?  You might ask.  Well here's a little info to work your mind:

FACT: The Earth's population reached 6.5 billion on Saturday, February 25, 2006.

So, if you meet all 6.5 billion people at the same time; the chances of finding the right one decreases to 1.5384615384615384615384615384615e-10 % (!!!)

What am I trying to get at here?  Nothing really; just that I'm not going to hurry finding that person anytime soon.  So, how do we know that the person we meet could be the one true love to spend the rest of your life for the rest of eternity? 

Nobody knows.

There is clearly no empirical, scientific, demonstrable solution to such a problem. 

What we do have is faith.  Faith that someone out there is made for us and that all of us will eventually find that person because we were made for our respective soulmates.

Do tell me what you think.

A Love Poem

Oh, when will I find thee?

The pain of not being with you

is a dagger to my side

each passing minute.

-

For whence have I seen your face,

I can no longer recall;

but it is in hope that I find true light,

to lead me to where you are.

-

There is a gaping hole in my heart,

that only you can fill.

Remorse is but a step away,

as my sand continues to run out.

-

I suffer severe melancholy,

to realize that I may not be with you;

for the hour is past anon,

and I must find you, once more, in eternity.

Amongst a Sea of Faces

Lost in a crowd of faces,

not knowing which is true.

I look to You to take me out

of these endless sea of masks.

-

For too long have I worn

such masks of apathy and scorn

the very sight of such horror,

my own demise I do abhor.

-

You reach out Your hand to me,

in my own shock I flee.

My guilt and my hands stained thee.

Feeling unworthy, unworthy.

-

I leave You only to find You,

my expressions turns to nigh,

my guilt is washed away,

with You I am to stay.

-JaY Sasoy

Why I Brought an Umbrella

It was a cold rainy night, the street lights emanated a shade of orange as it reflected on the wet tarmac.  The raindrops spattered on the top of my umbrella as I was waiting for the next jeepney bound to where I live.

A woman crossed the road from a local bank and tried to ride a "motorela" but the driver refused since they were headed another way.  (From where I come from, you have to tell the driver first as to where you want to go before they either let or not let you ride)

This woman, probably in her late twenties or early thirties, wrapped a handtowel over her head like a hood.  Realizing that she was standing in the rain I motioned her to join me under my umbrella.  She asked if I was going to ride a jeep so I nodded in reply.

I kept my eyes to my left keeping constant watch for any motorela's that may come by, trying to not make a sound as to not make the entire situation any more awkward.  So I asked her where she was going in Cebuano.  She said she was going to the provincial hospital.  Her mother had suffered from a stroke.  She went to the bank to get money for her medicine.

I was touched.

I was so embarassed that I didn't invite her to get under my umbrella sooner.  She then asked what jeepney route I was taking.  She was speaking in Filipino so I replied in Filipino that it didn't matter; I was going to make her ride first.  She too, I think, was touched based from the expression on her face.  She even said that "bihira lang ang mga taong ganun."  (There are few people who are like you)

Forget touched, I was overwhelmed.  Here I was thinking "oh how long will the next jeep arrive" and she was probably hoping her mother was okay. 

We can all be selfish at times.  We become so worried about things trivial and commonplace at times that we forget that there is so much suffering and trouble in the world and forget even more to pitch in some help.

I merely played my part.  It's time for us to "bring our umbrellas" for those who have none.

People read my blog???

YOU!

Yes you!  You actually read my posts?  People have finally admitted to reading my blog, and frankly, I'm quite amazed.  (Aside from the people who ACTUALLY leave comments ^_^ )  Thanks peeps, for taking the effort of clicking the read more button.

So I'm at the computer lab at XU and frankly I have nothing else to do so evidently, boredom has struck again.

I might be posting in the future, but not real soon-- the sands in the hourglass will run out soon and I will have to leave the computer for another blogging hiatus.

Peace out! Do holler back by way of comments. Thanks peeps!

In HIS Name we play

In HIS Name we play-- what started out as a derivative of a usual ending to a Christian prayer has become the new battle cry of Wood of Christ (YFC MisOr Provincial Band).  Other battle cries I know: "Basta Ikaw Lord", "Sayaw ta Lord"-- I guess ours is for musicians and others applicable.  I am still in awe of such profound words-- as a musician and Christian, I couldn't find any better way to describe what I do as a member of such a band.

Let me be frank yet prudent as possible-- I am not a Bible-thumping Christian.  I am what people stereotype as a "liberated" Christian.  This is what I do, and love to do and hope to continue to do-- make music for Jesus.

For those who may find me bloated, let me then tell you that I admit to not having the best musical skills and talent-- there are thousands of others better than me.  I do not like to make everyone know that I am part of this band for the sake of making others know per se; but what I try to do in every "gig", is play in His Name and for His Name and for His Name only; but also having fun while doing it.

I would just like to express this effervescent high that I'm experiencing right now and let the world know that God loves you!

An Entry of Hate

I'm waving my finger for everyone to see.  That's right!  I be a wee bit too angry for the safety of the "sovereign Filipino people imploring the aid of Almighty God".

With that said, I am pissed off.  I'm so sick and tired of people who simply complain about what's wrong with the government without actually doing anything about it!  It shows a clear manifestation of the slavery to the shackles of history and the chains of colonial mentality.

If the people who simply sit at their couches watching the news ask "what's happening to the country?".  WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!  The news is not there to be commented on, but to take action in knowledge thereof!  Is it just me, or does the fact that my teacher does NOT UNDERSTANDING SIMPLE ENGLISH pushing me further off the cliff?

I mean, my political science teacher, thinks she's all that in a very arrogant and pompous manner, asks questions but doesn't understand my answers.  I've been trying my best to be circumspect in my replies, but do I have to adopt the accent of the improper "Filipino" accent for the English language? Or do I have to mispronounce the words just to get through to her?

And what about essays?  My GOD, have MERCY UPON ME!  Must I be excessively verbose to the point that I have to beat around the bush just to get full points??  Hasn't the woman learned of the saying "more matter, less art"??? I'm thoroughly pissed enough as it is that I have to look at my test results, and look at another person's result only to find that person gets higher marks because of beating around the bush in an excessively undeliberated sort of manner manifesting a lack of vocabulary and class!

She continues to rant about how the students should participate more because we're paying for the class hours; but then WHEN I ASK THE QUESTIONS, she doesn't even give me a decent enough answer!  Oh, if I could only take arms 'gainst this sea of trouble!  Talk about a language barrier, this is the worst one I've encountered yet!

Random Coincidence?

If you have read the Da Vinci code and have done your research, you'd find that the picture above greatly resembles the picture of the divine arc.

It's a really beautiful coincidence.  Is it not?

Eulogy to a Dead Tree

There used to be a tree in my neighborhood. Now it has been devoid of its branches and I have to say it is a sorry sight. Like an obelisk of death it stands tall and I feel helpless as I see a tree that had a part in my childhood hacked. Feeling a very strong sense of nostalgia, I remember the times when my childhood friends/neighbors used to hide behind that tree when we played hide and seek because it was a good hiding spot. For so long a time it just stood there giving us shade- like it had a choice. I guess at some point in our lives we just have to say goodbye to that which has "breathed their last breath".

Yet of all the things in life, change is the only thing constant. No one can escape it; many will try to keep the status quo but fail miserably only to find that change may not be so much of a bad thing. Again, it may be bitter at first and it is that experience that makes us stronger; yet when we see experience a change that is at first glance beneficial to ourselves we welcome it with open arms.

Such are the ironies in life that make it all the more interesting.

Missing things

*screams out loud*  MAN! Do I miss clubbing... No, I'm not after the booze or smoke; I just miss chilling out with people having fun.  These past few weeks have been nothing but boredom. 

There used to be a time when I could truly call myself "kiat", in a non-malicious way of course-- as in really unable to stay put in seriously small amounts of time.  It's been a really long time since I've unwinded and let out all the stress that's building up over time.  As I'm sitting in the living room typing away at my father's laptop, I can't help but think I could be someplace else having a night life.

Of course, having a night out in a club can have its cons.  First of all, the second hand smoke: what the hell is it with people smoking in enclosed places?? I mean for the love of God why don't you kill yourselves someplace else and not bring other people with you?  Angry moment over...  Sensitivity issues: I couldn't help but be shocked the first time I entered a club.  It was like people were, doing IT without doing IT.  Being used to clean fun, it was like being slapped in the face as if telling me, "oh, so is that how older people do it?"  Sheesh, as if that's not enough, there are also the egocentric types.  As if it's not enough that they're out there flaunting stuff that wasn't bought with their own money, they try to make everyone know they didn't pay a single coin from their pocket.  AS IF!!!

Oh well, I guess I miss it for the fun part, but for the most part, I wish there was just some club out there with a simple NO-SMOKING policy, that doesn't include the words gay or alternative.

Blog Reborn: When Boredom Strikes

Took me a while to realize that when I do these blogs, it's either I'm not doing anything important lately or I'm procrastinating because what I'm about to do is boring.

Oh well, I decided to republish my blog, naming it When Boredom Strikes.  Forgive me if the idea has already been made up; but I like the idea itself and it coincides with why I make blogs.

I hope you all like it since the previous style reeked of death and although I'm comfortable with the idea of death I pretty much prefer life over its absence.  Oh yeah, if any of you friendsters still have the patience to consider reading my writing, thank you for the effort of reading the excessively wordy articles I have put here.  God bless! toodles! (toodles? that sounded gay...)

things people don't know about me

1. my body clock is so way off; i usually sleep around 2 in the morning or 5 in the afternoon.

2. i usually don't like gay people but I can make a really good impression of one.

3. Most of the time I just let my words do the thinking for me and end up regretting why I said or wrote or typed it.

4. I am observant only when I want to be, but when I do weirdness ensues.

5. I don't give a crap about what people say unless I did something wrong.

6. I have a high aptitude for mathematics yet I hate the subject.

7. I hate using computers because I get drained afterward and yet I can't stop using one.

8. What people see me do doesn't reflect what's going inside my mind.

9. I'm borderline schizophrenic, almost.

10. I have attention deficit disorder.

Life was made to be appreciated

There is so much to be appreciated in life for there are so many changes that happen, and in experiencing these changes that we realize or get a really rude wake up call to reality, that what we could have appreciated is gone.

Yes fellow friendsters, the very obscurity of life itself is not the changes that we see and experience, but in not appreciating the things that we oh so take for granted.  For years i have been trying to find what truth maybe out there that i was too blind to look at my own truth, the truth about my experiences, the truth about my friends and family, the very truth of life itself.

Life was made to be appreciated.  Though there are times of suffering and despair, without these times, that which we have sought that caused these sufferings taste so much sweeter.

Do not linger in despair, instead take the time to appreciate the blessings that we can truly call our own; for they may not stay for too long.

I Stand Corrected

I would like to thank John Michael for saying it in my face that what I did was very wrong.  To show such uncivilized behavior on the bulletin board(see "I had to post this on the bulletin") was way out of line, and also a very hypocritical thing to do.  To make such statements was like trying to limit people's freedom of speech. 

I am sincerely sorry for all those people that I may have hurt for venting out my anger in a very inappropriate manner.  It was very classless of me, and I am willing to accept any flames that I may have caused for such rude behavior.

Sincerely sorry,

JaY

I had to post this on the bulletin.

To all bulletin spammers:

Please, if it's not too much trouble, PUT A LID ON IT!!!!

It only goes to show that not only are you an idiot, but more so a moronic idiot and an idiotic moron!  Seriously, get a life because we can sure hell do without you posting the same message over and over again.

Why the heck do you do what you do?  Have you not the least bit of discipline somewhere at the back of your insanely stupid brain that you have to impede other people from reading bulletins that at least have good content other than airing out your grievances at the cost of other people?

I mean it already is a nuisance of having to click the next button on the bulletin board only to find the same message over and over and over again.  It is quite amazing to find that a person of IQ 12 is able to turn on a computer and spam the bulletin board of whatnot crap you call a bulletin post!

For all non-bulletin spammers who at least have decency to not make my life miserable of having to click the next button over and over again:

Thank you for not making my life more miserable than it already is.  Thank you for having the decency of putting out there good content that is at least intelligble and civilized.

Stop this vicious and voracious violation of volition! Re-post this bulletin and please, let the voices of the oppressed be heard!!

Thus I become a hater

I have found a rather profound disgust for stupidity lately because of the fact that I have been enlightened by a blog recently.  Madame Fabolous's PENIS blog has me hooked.  Although it is a rather twisted blog, I have found a very great smart-ass of sorts.

For too many a long time have I been trampled upon by the injustices of the world.  I for one think it's high time to stick it to the man, and stick it where it hurts the most.  I'm talking about getting a big ol' bat and start swinging it around people who are less-than-worthy, less-than-mortal who by the way disgrace whatever it is they believe in or come from with their lazy-ass replies that just being around them makes me lose my IQ.  Argh, do I hate such people.

It has come to my immediate attention that I finally join the people who have resigned serving Lady Justice.  It's just too much for my mind and my heart and my soul to help those who do not help themselves and not give justice for what their very being entails, implies, and means.  I have gone so much deep into the hole of my soul that there is but a dot of light at the beginning of the gaping hole of my soul.

I must release all the hatred that has been so many a time trapped in my heart.  My sincerest apologies for those that I have hurt, have been hurting, and will hurt for I have lost all sense of emotion that morality is nothing but a shadow of my now vacant and empty shell.

Do to Others (Part 2)

Why is it that when we do what we believe is right we instantly become the villain leaving us helpless to the slaughter of psychological fights of unseen knives in form of words coming to stab us at the back?

Is the world become so much an evil place that people cannot behave without being called "goodie two shoes"?  We try to do what is right and what do we get?  People start running their mouths and hearts crack.  We get to play the part of villain although it is the direct opposite of what we want!  Is this to imply that we were put on this world to become the ever repetitive "brown-nose revival"?

I guess that is the culture of the world.  That in doing what we only thought was right is wrong, and what is right in the moral standards of the world is directly opposite to our own sense of morality.  We are but helpless victims of the whims of fate.

"We are oft to blame in this.  Tis too much proved that with devotion's visage and pious action we do sugar o'er the devil himself" T_T

When boredom strikes in the computer lab

Boredom.  Computers.  People playing DotA.

Can anyone imagine a more blissful place?  HELL YEAH!

The room was lit by flourescent lamps with a rather olden frame signifying that the place was at least twenty years old.  The humming of the air conditioner was gently blowing a cool yet machinated breeze that tasted too much of the unnatural.  The constant clicking of mouses and the occasional space key presses are beginning to take toll on my nerves.  Am I to spend the rest of my life in front of the computer rotting because that is what my course entails-- using a computer?

I have been asking that very same question these past few months and have been thinking: "why computer science?"  There are so many other courses that I would have excelled in and yet I chose this course; and for what reason?  At first I kept telling myself that it would be easier since the most if not all of the teachers there used to be colleagues of my mom and dad, but that was not a valid reason.  I also told myself that the course would come off easier on me than other people since I have been using a computer since I was two years old.  Then I realized that that too, may also be an invalid reason.

Again, my philosophy teacher comes into my mind saying the same thing over and over again: "Logic is the study of correct thinking." 

Have I thought wrong?  Did I not give my course enough thought during the time that was allowed me?  Am I to spend the rest of my days rotting in front of a computer screen?  I certainly hope not.  Maybe I'm overthinking the whole situation and I should just continue what I started.  Someone help PLEASE!!!

Do to Others

I wrote testimonials as a writing exercise to compensate for my ever present absence of english subjects in my curriculum and here's what I found: very few people write back even if the testimonials written for them came from the heart.  Not that I was expecting testimonials from the people I made but that simply they do not know much about me that maybe they could not make substantial testimonials as what my good friend Ozzie would write and I quote "

*ahem*
-----------------------
Hi [insert name here]! How are u? Hope you're fine... Hehehe...
Kani bitaw siya ky buang2x kaayo... Hilomon kuno... Hehehe joke joke joke!
Gwapa DAW... Hehehe joke lang! Charmose...
Uhm... Beh... Wala man ko ma say, pero ingon lng ko na good friend au si [insert name here]... Loyal kau...
Hope you all the best in life... Good luck sa tanan... God bless! Mwahugs!
-----------------------
(end of sickening cliche testimonial)

Jeez, can't testimonials be any more original?!?"

I couldn't agree with him more.  I personally believe that people who make these kinds of testimonials have nothing substantial to say other than the superificial hoo-haas that everybody else so conveniently puts on their testimonials.

"We are oft to blame in this. Tis too much proved that with devotion's visage and pious action we do sugar o'er the devil himself."  This isn't even finished yet so expect edits.

Something I learned somewhere: proving the existence of GOD

DISCLAIMER: This article is an opinion based upon facts, and by the very nature of opinions may be agreed or disagreed with.

Last July 29, 2006, I watched Courage Under Fire.  I was brought to tears, not because of the feeling of sadness but because of the manifestation of man's ability to transcend all feelings of difficulty, guilt, and transcending the absence of life itself to become the epitome of God's image.

We always look at the darker things in life, more specifically at what is absent in our lives, like the expression that "the grass is always greener on the other side."  We do it so much that we forget about what is present in our lives.  Counting blessings, I believe, is what we need to do.

Such is the duality of reality.  There are those who say that there is no God, and even I, as a Christian, have asked the question "God if you love me so much, why can't I feel, see, your love here for me in times of despair and sorrow?"  I must say that such a proposition, although maybe the slightest bit formally valid, is materially invalid.  It's like saying that there is such a thing as death, when in fact it is just the absence of life.  There is no death; it is something that we call as the absence of life; but what is not debatable is the fact there is actually something that is called "life".  Thus we go back to the existence of the Supreme Being, albeit, God.  If in all our experiences in this world we have not seen, felt, heard God does that mean that He does not exist?  After tested and empirical methods of proving of the existence of such have all gone awry, does this mean that God does not exist?  It's just like saying that there is no such thing as darkness, or death, or even cold!

There is no such thing as darkness, only the absence of light.  There is no such thing as cold, only the absence of heat.  We may quantify light, or heat.  We may find out if something is living; but there is no such way to find out if something is dead unless we base it on the absence of life!  We may say that a place is dark and without light; but there is no actual means to measure darkness, only the light which is absent!  We may say that it is heat, little heat, or no heat; but all of these things are bound by the presence or absence of one thing and one thing alone, heat!

Therefore is there no God? If you still believe so then I have wasted my time writing my heart out to you when you yourself have no proof of such but only the "absence" of God in your life because you simply do not open your eyes!  So dark is the con of man!

Another Commentary on Nothing (Part 2)

Why is it that when my brain is running low on juice my first instinct is to make posts on my blog?  I for one do not know the answer to that question.

So where was I?

Tonight, well specifically this morning (1:57AM) I am on my computer. Yes, well that is to say irrevocably yet in a very stable and demonstrable manner.  My computer has been getting mixed up lately and I have not been able to use it properly.  It is quite aggravating actually, to wait for so many a moment just to get that specific data to be added to your knowledge only to be held up by a whatchamacall it box that says error, or maybe even making a cold reboot only to sigh on a rather great denial to make assignments, or just plain reading.

Seriously, on another note, I for one have to wonder about what it takes to be featured, although I am do not consistently view blogs, I would have to say that some people out there, I believe, make more comprehensive posts than many of those featured.  Such vichyssoise of nonsense of blogs maybe funny to some but sometimes I would have to say it's not, or maybe I'm just lacking a sense of humor?  I certainly hope it's not the latter.

And yet why am I still typing?  Is it because I choose to?  It is obviously because I chose to.  What I am here to discover is why I chose to continue typing.  I asked this question because this dialog box keeps coming out saying that there's an error in a program and it needs to restart, and everytime I have to click on the cancel button and it's getting on my nerves.

Reasoning is a very powerful tool, yes, but without proper information to make inferences from is just folly.  I can remember that there was a time when I could see past masks that people wear so they can conceal their real selves.  I cannot do so anymore and it pains me to not understand what is going on at the back of their minds.  They say that the eyes are the windows of the soul, which is where I usually start; but what I saw, was such a sad sight.  Beneath many a mask I have seen was a person, either hiding or trapped in a cage.  One was trying to hide from the world, the other caged because of fear of disapproval.  There was a time that I even had the patience for each and every masked individual and maybe felt a little love for the person beneath that I was hurt in the process.  So goes the saying love until it hurts.

The people I encountered that took of their masks began to put them on again and once again I felt so alone.  Even in the happiests of giggles and laughter, there was a gripping inner feeling that I am a man among masks; and yet we continue to ask ourselves who we are--  who is but the form following the function of what and what most people have been are men in masks.  "I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is..."

That is to say that I had been practicing my eyes of the heart; but that was not all I saw.  Factors that took their toll on the people beneath, hiding, caged, ever patient in waiting for the right time to come out or to be freed.  Why do we wear masks?  Is it because we choose to?  Or are we also here to understand why we made the choice to wear masks?  Feel free to tell me if you find a plausible answer.

Another Commentary on Nothing

Okay, so I decided that I'm going to use up all what's left of my thinking power today on freewriting-- somethign I like to call, in my own jaded world, a commentary on nothing.

This is the part where I realize that I have used up all my brain juice and end up with something that gives justice to the title: a commentary on nothing.

Why is it when people have something good in their life it's usually when it's either lost or taken from them that we actually appreciate it the most?  Take for example, my IQ tests say that I have an unusually high IQ and yet I get low grades?  I have a loving lady friend who's willing to accept me as her boyfriend and instead I told her to wait a little more because I thought we were going to fast. Is 3 weeks too fast to court someone?

I apologize if I must deliberately and blatantly stray from my original topic but I just want to get something out of my chest.  Why am I not content?  The wiser part of myself would most likely tell me to count my blessings.  Of course there would be as many blessings in my life as the particles of sand on a beach.  Everyday I struggle with this malcontent, and make my own methods of escape.  One method which I like to use and abuse is computer games.  Immersing yourself in an environment where your thinking is not of one's usual thinking pattern is basically one of the easiest ways to escape problems.  That may or may not include getting drunk, getting high, all sorts of things that deviates from your normal thought pattern.

I've just completely run out of brain juice so I just might make a part two.

The Importance of Logic

In our Philosophy 01 class the teacher repeatedly says something like "Logic is a tool for correct thinking."  I learned that the hard way.

Not that I'm not used to using logic that well, it's just that I usually just use it in mind games. 

Today, one of the enemies of my lady friend texted me that she, my lady friend, is dead; of course I did not know it was her enemy some time later.  I repeatedly told myself that the chances of that happening are one in, I don't know, like a couple hundred thousand?  But what really confused me was that the number was registered with the name of her neighbor, who by the way is a very good friend of hers, because she used that number a few weeks ago.  So the text message went like, and I quote, "s ds jay? namatay bia c ______ ". (translated in english: "... ____ died.")  So initially I was skeptic at first and then the my phone read a similar message asking if I was her boyfriend.  I couldn't make a reply since I didn't have load on my phone. 

Some time later it read "naligsan xa kai gkan nag pa load 2 txt u.,".  (translated: She was in a car accident after buying load just to text you.)  Given that information, the chances of her buying load to text me were increased significantly so I was beginning to worry.  So by the time I got loaded I texted her if this was some kind of sick joke. It then read "lg..dli ni bnuang". (t:this is no joke) so given the credentials and the rather plausible explanation (the other day my lady friend told me there was a kid in first grade who got hit in a car accident and her/his brains were all splattered on the street, and I have to say the images in my head were not the least bit wholesome.) I was beginning to calculate the odds of that happening without questioning the validity of the proposition. 

Then I asked if her best friend was there, she replied she was in the city; then I asked if her family knew, she replied "gubot kau cka diri" (*note the typo's* t: They're a little chaotic here. --or something like that).  So I tried calling but the phone was busy.  I tried calling my lady friend's number, not in coverage area; same for her best friend's number.  I texted the biznitch that I wanted to make a call she said her battery's low.  So I asked who can I call? She said everyone there had low batteries because there was a blackout...  See the pattern? *duh*

By this time I should have been even more skeptic but no... I had to believe her bull shiznit.  Right now I feel so stupid typing this but I want to make the truth known!  You're probably thinking right now that I'm such a dumbass and I admit that I can be one sometimes.  By this time my mother and I were already fighting as to what I should do.  I told the fraudulent, venal and virulent piece of crap that she is that I was on my way, and finally my wake up call finally arrived.  She says and I quote again, "ha?yaw oi pls ayaw".(t: what? don't, please don't -- that was a blunt translation though)  So my mother, the ever impenetrable fortress from deceit, told me that she's fooling you; but that was after I believed such crap and cried myself to tears.  Then as if I was just bitchslapped, I woke up to reality and God was I furious. Then I went shopping with my mom.

Between that and shopping was a lot of cursing through text messaging and after all the dust had settled I realized what an ignorant stupid ass I was, and I'm like "oh, so that's why logic is important."  I'm still shaking my head in disbelief that I fell for such a prank, but I guess what really held me from reality was the fear of losing someone I love. Dang!

A Commentary on Nothing

What did you expect?  I hope you weren't expecting the "Holy Grail" of blogging because you won't find it here! (If there is such a thing...)

I originally wanted to do an exercise on freewriting, or technically freetyping.  Although I prefer using pen and paper, I chose to use a keyboards since studies show that using a keyboard utilizes both sides of the brain thus giving a good chance of tapping both the logical and creative sides of my ever I.Q. deficient brain.

So I might as well start out with how the week went out, and I most certainly flunked most of my 1st tests in my subjects and it's totally wearing me down, seriously.  You know sometimes I wish that there was an easy way to communicate what I really felt or thought so that I won't have to worry about misunderstandings.  Like earlier this week I got into a fight with my prospective girlfriend since "texting" on the cellphone takes up too much of my time.  I only wanted to spend more time studying since I didn't want to flunk my tests (which I ended up doing anyway).  That day I ended up flunking two tests since the first one required a calculator to solve the problems and I had evidently left it in my other bag; whilst the other one was simply because I didn't study enough.  It ended up like that anyway since I also didn't get enough sleep, and when that happens I usually just shut down and sleep in class, that happened twice this week and I ended up insulting my math teacher who presently refuses to answer my questions for sleeping in his class.  It's kind of frustrating really but after reflecting on my actions it really is just my undoing.

I'm nearing the end of my supply of brain juice so I will have to end my blog here.  Oh yeah, please post comments as to how I can improve my blogging.  I don't mind really.

My First Blog

So basically, I'm new at making blogs and I found out that there are some noticeably good work out there, and thought to my egotisitical self maybe I could make some.  Anyway, I'm still trying this out so don't expect anything exceptional from my blogs since I can't write that well anyway.  I'm hoping that this could be another way to practice writing.