So Many Miles Before I Sleep

I finally decided to let go of my choir.  So much time has been taken
away: time for my studies, time for my friends, time for my family,
time for myself.  It all happened on one fell swoop, as one thing led
to another, that it came to a time where I am a stranger in my own
house.

Not one person in the family knows the real me, the
deeper, darker, more beautiful side of me-- and I've kept it hidden
from them for long enough.  It's about time I give my family a chance.

For
so long, I've been trying to make a home out of just a few people,
different communities have become my home that it came to a time when
my mother actually asked "Dili na ka happy sa balay?"

Like a
guilt-stricken freak, I was immediately plunged in denial.  All the
things that I've hidden from them, although some not so well hidden,
started pouring into the back of my mind--

the times when I was constantly put aside by the very persons I treated as best friends,

the times when I was so down with love,

the times when I was lifted because of love,

the times when I treated what were once strangers as family,

the times when I was so happy knowing that I have a family outside of my house,

the times when I was drawn closer to God because of this other family,

the times when I bore my soul out to someone I didn't know,

the times when I really felt I was needed,

the times when I really felt loved.

Now,
I have the chance to make some time for my family, to make some time
for my studies, to make some time for myself, to make some time to find
myself-- I'm taking it, whether you like it or you like it.  So I'm
letting go of the things I have no control over and hold on, to what He
has revealed to me "Father knows best".

Much respect.